Talk Horror The Mouth of Madness
Hacky Horrordays, Talkhorror fans! Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, or some other dark custom which you choose to hide away, it’s a good bet that if you’re here, you have something a little creepier than the typical sweater-and-coffee-mug combo on your December wishlist. But by now it’s too late to get anything truly exquisite… or is it?
For those of you with a special gorehound in your life who you’ve waited too long to appease, here are five terrifying gift ideas available for two-day-shipping through Amazon Prime.
NECA Nightmare on Elm Street – Ultimate Freddy 30th Anniversary Action Figure
First up on the list is the ‘80s biggest horror icon… now standing at 7 inches tall. The NECA Freddy figure is a package fit for the Dream Master, with most of his iconic gimmicks from the original film represented via accessories and interchangeable body parts. They’ve even included a hand missing two fingers from the scene in which he taunts Tina! If you’re a die-hard Elm Street fan who prizes accuracy above kitsch, this guy could serve as the centerpiece for your collection.
FunKo Jaws – Great White
Or, if you’d rather have the great white icon from the ‘70s serving as your horror collection’s mantelpiece, Bruce from Jaws is available via FunKo! Don’t get me wrong, the beast is as cute as I’ll get out, but compared to most of the FunKo lineup, the thing holds a striking air of menace to it. I’d also recommend getting two; one to keep pristine and another to play with, because since the plastic Bruce comes equipped with its own oxygen tank (able to fit snug in between its jaws), you may not be able to resist some spontaneous BB sharpshooting practice.
Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers (Unrated Producer’s Cut) Blu-ray
We all screamed over the complete Halloween Collection (including the remake) released last year on Blu-ray, but the biggest shock was the legitimate release of the famed Producer’s Cut of Halloween 6(66…) The Curse of Michael Myers! Maybe you didn’t want to splurge to get sharper transfers of films you already own just to get your hands on one alternate cut, and if that’s the case, you lucked out! The Producer’s Cut has just recently been released in a standalone edition by Lion’s Gate. If you’ve picked up a bootleg in the past, now’s your chance to check out The Producer’s Cut with the crystal-audio/visual-clarity it could have had had it been the version to hit theaters. And if you have yet to see it, just know the fans’ consensus: it completely redeems one of the most disliked films in the Halloween series.
Until Dawn (Playstation 4)
A survival horror game that somehow got lost among all the hyped arrivals of 2015, Until Dawn makes the well-worn “group of friends travel to a cabin in the woods” horror premise into an interactive experience for the first time, and turns it into something revolutionary. Several (and I’m actually talking hundreds) of different paths are possible for players to follow, challenging those who say they could get through a horror film and save everyone to put their money where their mouth is.
It Follows (Blu-ray)
Say what you will, in a slow year for horror, the slow-burning It Follows earns its place in all the top-5 lists it’s been featured in. Even if you don’t quite dig the execution, it has all the trappings of a horror classic, including an original monster, a memorable soundtrack and a distinctive mood. This Christmas is a prime chance to support the filmmakers; tell them that trends and gimmicks aren’t what makes for an enduring horror tale, but rather one-of-a-kind stories that aim for dread above all.
NECA Aliens Deluxe Vehicle Power Loader
Another incredibly-detailed figure from NECA, the Aliens Power Loader may not have many bells and whistles, but it makes up for that in sheer attention paid to the design and working of the vehicle. You will believe this thing is ready to take down a Queen Xenomorph with its posable claws! On top of that, it’s just the right size to fit not only NECA’s Ripley figure, but a wide variety of their toy lineup.
…So yeah, that Ultimate Freddy should be able to fit into it too, BITCH!
Lost Themes by John Carpenter
Okay so the title may be a little misleading (we can only imagine secret hallways full of music that John Carpenter intended for never-released films), but it is beyond awesome that over a decade after his last film score, John Carpenter still has surprises in store for us, and he’s still in shape to do something about it. Any one of the tracks on Lost Themes could easily be mistaken for a theme from the man’s prime. Whether you’re still hoping he comes out of retirement, or are simply nostalgic for the old Carpenter magic, this album proves that he’s still a Sutter-Cane-level wizard on the synthesizer.
NECA Gremlins Electronic Dancing Plush Doll Gizmo
Just one more NECA plug, I swear! This one is the queen mother of horror Christmas gifts, taken straight from the king of Horror/Comedy/Fantasy/Christmas movies: Gremlins! The plush Gizmo can dance, sing his haunting Gizmo hum… he can’t turn into a Gremlin, but trust me, that’s not worth the hassle. I know. Besides that, he’s the closest you can get to owning your very own Mogwai. Take that, Furby!
So, what’s your pleasure? Comment below with the horrorday gift you’d want to make your Christmas Evil!
