SAW VI "You think you've seen the worst-case scenario? ...Think again"
04-13-2009, 03:42 PM
SAW fans will probably "get" this script. Others may not (Though they still might be a bit entertained). This is more a satire and a play on what SAW fans like I are mainly hoping for than an outright parody. As the title (A play on the typical SAW tagline) says, this is probably pretty close to the "worst case scenario", even more so than part V. ...Enjoy. 
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WE OPEN WITH STRAHM GETTING CRUSHED. AFTERWARDS, THE WALLS OPEN AND HOFFMAN EPICLY GETS OUT OF THE BOX-THING WITH THE SAME SMILE HE HAD BEFORE, THEN WALKS TO THE ENTRANCE SAYING NOTHING, TAKES A KEY OUT OF HIS POCKET, AND OPENS THE DOOR WITH IT.
THE CRUSHER CLOSES AGAIN. ON THE CRUSHER, THE TITLE CARD APPEARS ON A METAL BACKGROUND: SAW VI (Two more "6"s are drawn in blood, making "Saw 666")
CUT TO: ERICKSON OUTSIDE THE SAW V HOUSE WITH HOFFMAN, AMBULANCES SURROUNDING THEM.
Erickson: You're pressing your luck Hoffman, thank God you're allright. You were the only survivor again, we've searched the entire premises and found no clues at all, just some maze of traps those poor people were in, and some door leading to a metal wall. What happened?
Hoffman: It was Strahm. He did this. He was jealous of me and wanted to restart the killings to see if I could do it again...
Erickson: Jesus, Peter... If I find him, I'll kill him! For now, you're needed at the autopsy.
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MORE POINTLESS SCENES OF JOHN'S CORPSE FROM MORE DIFFERENT ANGLES. HOFFMAN PLAYS HIS TAPE
John's voice: You think this is over? The games have just begun...
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CUT TO: FISK LOOKING DETERMINED WITH A PILE OF NOTES.
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FLASHBACK TO: FISK AND HOFFMAN INVESTIGATING SEATH'S DETH.
Fisk: This is peculiar... This mechanism here seems to indicate this man did not have a chance in his trap. From what we've seen with the previous victim, he had a chance.
FLASHBACK TO: A DIFFERENT ACTOR PLAYING MARK, TRYING TO DECIPHER THE NUMBERS IN THE FLAMMABLE-JELLY ROOM, THEN DYING.
Fisk: We're still undecided about the first victim.
FLASHBACK TO: CECIL PRESSING HIS FACE INTO THE KNIVES, THEN RUNNING INTO THE RAZOR-WIRE
Fisk: Then........................................ There was the one............................ Who escaped.
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FLASHBACK TO: A GUY, COVERED IN SEWN-ON TATTOOS, ATTATCHED TO A WALL BY A CHAIN, WITH A LOCKED RING PIERCING HIS NOSE.
Guy: Fuuuuuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Help, oh God, help me! Fuck! FUCK!
GUY CONTINUES WHILST JIGSAW WALKS INTO THE ROOM, ACTUALLY USING BILLY LIKE A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY.
Jigsaw: Hello Bill, I want to play a game. For years you have been modifying your body with morbid images and gruesome instruments
FLASH CUTS TO BILL'S TATTOOS
Jigsaw: Did you really think those things looked "tuff"? Or did you just get them to distract people from your own perceived ugliness?
Bill: NO! I think body-mod is a legitimate art-form!
Jigsaw: Maybe you can devote your time to other methods of art... If you survive. To do so, you're going to have to reveal what lies below your flesh... Reveal your true self. Under four of your tattoos, I have hidden a fragment of a key. It is this key that can release that ugly device from your nose, and in the process, your true self.
Bill: Fuck you!
Jigsaw: Many have said that to me... Not many have lived to do so. We will see if you are worthy... In 1 minute.
Bill: What happens in one minute??!
Jigsaw: Let's just say... you'll get the point.
BILL RIPS HIS TATTOOS OFF, ONE-BY-ONE IN GORY CLOSEUP, THEN FRANTICALLY PUTS THE KEY TOGETHER, AND UNLOCKS THE RING THROUGH HIS NOSE, FALLING BACKWARDS. THE FLOOR OPENS UP UNDER THE SPOT WHERE HE WAS STANDING TO REVEAL A PIT FULL OF RUSTY OLD JEWELERY.
Jigsaw: Congratulations Bill... Most people are so ungrateful to be alive... Not you... Not anymore...
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IN THE FIRST FLASHBACK, HOFFMAN COMES UP BEHIND FISK.
Hoffman: You shouldn't be so obsessive... You know?
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PRESENT TIME: HOFFMAN COMES UP BEHIND FISK.
Hoffman: You shouldn't obsess like that, you're too... Obsessive.
Fisk: I can't help it. First, the old man killed almost half of our department (NOTE: Whether or not John actually killed almost half the department becomes a great source of controversy for SAW fans), now Strahm's finishing the job. It seems like it never ends... Like... the games have just begun...
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CUT TO: PAMELA JENKINS, WAKING UP INSIDE A BIG MALL STORAGE ROOM. THERE IS A TELEVISION THERE THAT TURNS ON WITH BILLY'S FACE
BillyHoffSaw: Hello Pamela, for almost a week now you have been following me, trying the best you can to know more. Well now you're really in the shit, and by the end of this night, you will know everything.
PAMELA THROWS HER SHOE AT THE SCREEN, BREAKING IT LIKE A BADASS
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CUT TO: FISK AND ERICKSON, AT A PLACE OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE.
Fisk: Since this is a new killer, we had better compile what little information we already have, and wait for more bodies to turn up.
Erickson: o.k.
Fisk: First of all, we have to find the bodies....................... that are still alive.
Erickson: You're on to something
Fisk: Right now we only have two leads. I'll place a call to................. JILL TUCK!
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IN A CREEPILY DARK ROOM, FISK CALLS JILL.
Fisk: Jill? This is agent Fisk from the RCMP, we'd like to have a word with you
Jill (On phone): I've already told you I don't know shit!
Fisk: Well we're sorry for bothering you...
Jill: Right now I am at 1234 Repo BLVD. Tell that to Hoffman.
Fisk: I'll do that.
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CUT TO: PAMELA WALKING THROUGH A VERY DILAPIDATED LOOKING MALL. SHE COMES ACROSS A HOT TOPIC WITH ONLY THE LETTERS "HO" ILLUMINATED ON THE ELECTRIC SIGN. WALKING UNDER THE HORSESHOE ENTRANCE-THING, THE PLACE LIGHTS UP FOR PAMELA. THE VOICE OF JIGSAW IS HEARD OVER THE INTERCOM.
Voice of Jigsaw: Hello Pamela, you are about to find your first interviewee. He is a man who has a special place in the heart of two of my subjects, for one, an object of lust, for another, an unseen object of wrath. Now, there is a catch with this one interviewee: He has nothing to tell you. You may rescue him if you will, but he will give you nothing of value. His life is in your hands, if you wish to give up precious time you have to get to know me. You have until the end of this My Chemical Romance song to save the lover of one chemist from his bondage...
A MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SONG PLAYS OVER THE INTERCOM. PAMELA RUNS AROUND, LOOKING FOR THE VICTIM. AFTER FRANTICALLY SEARCHING, SHE SEES A BODY AT THE BACK, PIERCED BY SEVERAL METAL-HANGER-SPOKE THINGS THAT SEVERAL JIGSAW ACTION-FIGURES HANG FROM. PAMELA TEARS THE TOYS DOWN FROM THEIR HANGERS TO REVEAL THE SEMI-IMPALED-SEMI-HELD-BACK (with leather straps) "LYNN'S-LOVER-GUY". THE MAN'S WOUNDS ARE BEING DANGEROUSLY AGGRAVATED BY THE LEATHER-STRAPS, WHICH VIBRATE THROUGH UNKNOWN MEANS.
Lynn's-lover-guy: HELP ME! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HELP ME!
SEARCHING FOR A MEANS TO CUT THE MAN DOWN, SHE FINDS RAZOR-BLADES TAPED TO THE BACK OF THE JIGSAW ACTION-FIGURES. PAMELA, TEARS ONE OFF AND BEGINS SAWING AT THE FIRST OF THE STRAPS HOLDING LYNN'S LOVER TO THE WALL. PAMELA TOSSES THE FIRST DOWN AFTER SHE IS DONE WITH THE FIRST STRAP, AND TAKES ANOTHER TO DO THE NEXT, AND THE NEXT, UNTIL SHE CAN'T FIND ANY MORE RAZORS. THE LOVERGUY IS STILL STRAPPED (and impaled) TO THE WALL BY A PIECE OF LEATHER OVER HIS NECK, VIBRATING NOW EVEN MORE FURIOUSLY. DESPERATELY, PAMELA FINDS A PAIR OF METALLIC VAMPIRE FANGS, WITH WHICH SHE IS FORCED TO USE TO NIBBLE ON THE FINAL LEATHER-STRAP, RELEASING THE MAN FROM THE WALL AND ONTO THE FLOOR. THE MCR SONG ENDS.
Lynn's-Lover (Bleeding from just about everywhere): AAAAGGH!!! OHH, FUCK! HELP ME!
PAMELA LOOKS DOWN. "FYE" IS DRAWN ON LYNN'S LOVER'S BACK.
Pamela: FYE? ...What could that mean?
Lynn's-lover: AAAAGGH!!! OHH, FUCK! HELP ME!
Pamela: I'm sorry.
PAMELA RUNS OFF.
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FISK AND ERICKSON WALK DOWN A HALLWAY.
Fisk: Jill Tuck didn't know anything. We only have one lead left. The only person to survive one of Jigsaw's traps (NOTE: It is later confirmed in the storyboard-artist's commentary that the gas caused Daniel's brain to shut down, and Morgan's wounds turned out to be fatal). We feel he may have some information we haven't yet procured.
Erickson: Good work.
FISK AND ERICKSON ARRIVE AT AN INTERROGATION ROOM WHERE BILL FROM THE EARLIER FLASHBACK IS BEING KEPT, SHOWING NO VISIBLE TRACES OF HIS WOUNDS. THERE ARE SOME SEMI-HELPFUL BUT OVERALL POINTLESS FLASHBACKS OF THE TRAP-SEQUENCE BEFORE FISK STEPS IN TO QUESTION THE MAN. (VERY DYNAMIC CLOSEUPS OF THE TWO THROUGHOUT THE SCENE)
Fisk: Tell me everything you know.
Bill: Well, where do I begin? ...Jigsaw was testing me... I was afraid... I didn't know who this guy was, but I knew I had to survive... So I did what he said, then... I survived.
Fisk: But...... Is there anything else? ........Anything you're not telling me?
Bill: Hmmmmmmmmmm........ When I woke up...
MORE FLASHBACKS TO BILL, UNCONSCIOUS AFTER HIS TRAP. JOHN IS SECRETLY TATTOOING SOMETHING ELSE ON HIM WITH A RUSTY FOUNTAIN PEN... CUT TO: AN EXTREME CLOSEUP ON BILL LIFTING UP HIS SHIRT IN THE PRESENT. FISK LOOKS WIDE-EYED AT THE MESSAGE CRUDELY-SCARRED INTO HIS BELLY: 1234 REPO BLVD. WE THEN CUT TO FISK AND ERICKSON FAST-WALKING THROUGH THE POLICE-STATION HALLS.
Fisk: 1234 Repo Blvd! That's the same place Jill told me to tell Hoffman she was at!
Erickson: And so?
Fisk: I did some research... That address is an abandoned shopping-mall, it's set to be demolished in half an hour!
Erickson: Get Hoffman on the case.
Fisk: He's gone sir! And Agent Cowan has disappeared too.
Erickson: o.k.
Fisk: Organize a SWAT Team, tell them to meet at that address in 30 minutes or less!
Erickson: You're off the case!
FISK RUNS OFF. LAMANNA PACES UP BEHIND ERICKSON.
Lamanna: Fisk there runs like all "Wigga-whizzow!" (NOTE: New HOJ catchphrase! E.G.: Vinc360: I thought the script was terrible, and the woman who played Pamela did not put an acceptable amount of effort into her portrayal. Ribcaged: You just wanna Wigga-whizzow with her, don't you?)
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PAMELA, SEARCHING THROUGH THE MALL COMES ACROSS A STORE: F.Y.E. A MOMENT OF SHOCKED REALIZATION COMES ACROSS HER FACE, AND SHE RUNS IN. INSIDE THERE IS A BIG MAZE OF DVD-STACKED SHELVES. PAMELA MAKES HER WAY TO THE BACK: THE BARGAIN SECTION, FILLED WITH DVDS OF SAW V... AND THE FANTASTIC 4 MOVIE. CURIOUSLY, PAMELA NOTICES A JOSTLING FANTASTIC-4 CARDBOARD DISPLAY, WHICH SHE PUSHES ASIDE.
Man: HELLLLP!!!! HELP ME!!
BEHIND THE THING, SHE SEES NONE OTHER THAN DR. HEFFNER, STRAPPED DOWN TO A MENACING-METAL CHAIR BY HIS NECK, WITH SEVERAL OPEN DVD PLAYERS ATTATCHED TO THE DEVICE ON METAL POLES! THE PLAYERS ARE POINTED AT HIS LEGS, CROTCH, ARMS, AND HEAD. ANOTHER DVD PLAYER OFF TO THE SIDE TURNS ON WITH BILLY'S FACE.
Billy: Hello Dr. Heffner. For all your career you have wanted to be... fantastic. You have always been the first to examine the diseased bodies of killers and... others. Now, you will be the one to be x-rayed. If this doesn't sound like and interesting prospect, the one next to you can help. Pamela, you have the chance to interview... or rescue a potential key-witness to the Jigsaw case, but you only have a few minutes. Soon, trailers will begin playing on these players. Normally this would only be an annoyance, but observe...
A TRAILER BEGINS PLAYING ON THE FIRST DVD PLAYER. THE LASER ON IT SOMEHOW SHINES THROUGH THE DISK.
Heffner: AAGH!!! MERCIFUL GOD!!!
Billy: As the trailers play these players will fire their class-2 lasers directly into Dr. Heffner's body... The quicker you get him through the maze here, the better chance there will be of his safety.
CUT TO: A SHOT OF SAWBLADES SPINNING ON DVD-DISK-PLAYERS AT THE EXIT OF THE MAZE.
Billy: If he makes it to the exit-point in time, those blades will be waiting to free him from his restraint... But this will sever his vocal-chords in the process. Get what you need quickly, Dr. Heffner is on a time-table.
THE FIRST PLAYER FINISHES IT'S TRAILER, LEAVING HEFFNER'S RIGHT LEG A RADIOACTIVE-SORE INFESTED LUMP-STUMP. A SECOND ONE BEGINS PLAYING, BURNING INTO HIS OTHER LEG.
Heffner: GET ME OUUTT!!!!
Pamela: First, tell me what you know about the Jigsaw killer!
Heffner: Whatever, just go!
Pamela: First, tell me something!
Heffner: He's... he's dead! I did the autopsy on him last night!
PAMELA BEGINS RUNNING HEFFNER THROUGH THE MAZE, WELL-INTO THE SECOND TRAILER.
Pamela: Well what-- What did you see in him?
Heffner: He had several laceration-- AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THE THIRD TRAILER BEGINS, AND THE LASER FIRES INTO HIS CROTCH
Pamela: I don't need to know this-- OH shit!
IN HER PREOCCUPATION WITH FINDING OUT INFO, PAMELA HAS HIT A DEAD-END
Pamela: Great job!
PAMELA PULLS HEFFNER BACK AND FINDS ANOTHER PATH.
Pamela: Now, was there anything unusual?
Heffner: Aside from impromptu-surgery--? UUUUUURGH!
THE NEXT VIDEO BEGINS
Pamela: That IS interesting! What else?
Heffner: I--- I--- There's the exit! Hurry!
PAMELA STOPS JUST A FOOT FROM THE EXIT-BLADES
Heffner: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???
Pamela: Those things are gonna cut through your vocal chords, now, what else was there?
Heffner: We don't have time!
Pamela: It'll be quick... er!
Heffner: You idiot!
Pamela: You're an idiot, and you're wasting time!
Heffner: But you-GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
THE NEXT PLAYER BEGINS FIRING IT'S LASER INTO HEFFNER'S LEFT ARM, IT IS THE LAST BEFORE THE ONE AIMING AT HIS HEAD.
Heffner: There was a tape in his stomach!
Pamela: Oh come on, you must be making that up!
Heffner: I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!
Pamela: Well, what did it say?
Heffner: "The games have just begun"
Pamela: Well, duh!
Heffner: "You think you are the last man standing??" Fuck, I think it was for Hoffman!
Pamela: Hoffman?
PAMELA PUSHES HEFFNER OUT OF THE EXIT, TEARING OFF HIS NECK-RESTRAINT, TEARING INTO HIS VOCAL-CHORDS, AND CAUSING THE PLAYERS TO FALL OFF THE CHAIR. THE PLAYER AIMED AT HEFFNER'S HEAD FALLS INTO HIS LAP AND BEGINS PLAYING, FIRING IT'S LASER INTO HIS STOMACH INSTEAD OF HIS BRAIN
Heffner: BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
HEFFNER FALLS TO THE FLOOR, HIS ARMS AND LEGS HIDEOUSLY BURNED, BOILED, AND BAKED, AND BEGINS TO PUKE HIS GUTS OUT. PAMELA CAREFULLY STEPS OVER THE DYING DOCTOR... SUDDENLY, HER ATTENTION IS CALLED BACK TO THE SCENE AS SHE HEARS THE LAST PLAYER FALL SILENT. PAMELA CAREFULLY MAKES HER WAY OVER TO THE THING AND FINDS A MESSAGE WRITTEN ON THE EXPOSED DISK: "FEEL THE RUSH"
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CUT TO: HOFFMAN, SNEAKILY SNEAKING OUTSIDE THE BACKDOOR ENTRANCE TO THE MALL, GUN DRAWN. BADASS-STYLE, HE SHOOTS THE LOCK OFF AND STUPIDLY CALLS OUT
Hoffman: Jill?? Ms. Tuck??
CUT TO: FISK, LOOKING QUITE OBSESSED AS HE DRIVES TO THE MALL ALONE.
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PAMELA RUNS FRANTICALLY FROM ROOM TO ROOM AS IF SHE SOMEHOW KNOWS THAT THE BUILDING IS TO BE DEMOLISHED THE SAME WAY THE AUDIENCE DOES. FINALLY, SHE FINDS ANOTHER LIT-ROOM: "THE RUSH FITNESS CENTER". PAMELA RUNS BETWEEN SEVERAL DECREPIT LOOKING WORKOUT MACHINES UNTIL SHE COMES ACROSS A GROGGY AGENT COWAN, HER ARMS AND NECK PRESSED UNDER SEVERAL WEIGHTS IN A VERY MENACING LOOKING WORKOUT CONTRAPTION, WITH THE WORD "MAN" SCRAWLED ON HER CHEST AREA IN SHARPIE. THERE IS A WALKMAN ON THE FLOOR, WHICH PAMELA PICKS UP AND PRESSES PLAY ON.
Walkman: Hello Pamela, if you have reached this place before 10:30, it probably means you have not stopped to help any of the others. How awful of you. In your quest for knowledge about me, have you not discovered anything about yourself? Listen carefully, you have one last chance to actually help someone, and get the final details of your story that you need. Or you can take this chance to escape. You see in front of you your opposite; Agent Cowan tries hard, and takes her time in this gym each day... but yet she never seems to get the recognition she deserves, which her incompetant male compatriots possess. You could learn a lot from Ms. Cowan. However, also unlike you, her ambition has lead to her envy. Because of her ambition for her peers, Ms. Cowan has developed a desire to be a man... like them.
CLOSE UP ON THE "MAN" SCRAWLED ON COWAN'S CHEST.
Walkman: No one but she and I know, but one day, Agent Cowan decided to begin a hormone regiment to assist her in her training. That very thing has corrupted her, which is why I am testing you two opposites now. As a drugged half a man, Cowan cannot help herself. As a whole woman you cannot help her. Your duty is to use the syringes at your feet
THERE ARE SYRINGES, DOUBLE-TIPPED: STAR WARS EPISODE I STYLE, LYING AT HER FEET
Walkman: To chemically emasculate Agent Cowan, and transfer her drugged testosterone into yourself. Only then will you have the strength to save her, and she the clearheadedness to save herself. Hurry though, time is of the essence.
PAMELA PICKS UP ONE OF THE SYRINGES, AND PROCEEDS TO STAB ONE END INTO ONE OF COWAN'S HANDS, TRAPPED UNDERNEATH A STACK OF WEIGHTS. SHE STICKS HERSELF WITH THE OTHER END OF THE NEEDLE, AND TRANSFERS COWAN'S MAN-BLOOD INTO HER BODY, WHICH UNREALISTICALLY GIVES HER THE STRENGTH TO LIFT ONE STACK OF WEIGHTS UP.
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AGENT FISK BEGINS TO PATROL THE MALL. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, HE COMES ACROSS THE HOT TOPIC WITH THE "HO" LIT UP. FISK RUNS IN TO FIND LYNN'S LOVER BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR
Fisk: Hooooooly crap.......
Lynn's-lover: Uug-ghh-gh
Fisk: Who could have done this??
Lynn's-lover: Th-the girllllllllll........
LYNN'S LOVER DIES
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PAMELA HAS STARTED ON COWAN'S SECOND HAND, TRANSFERRING HER TESTOSTERONE INTO HER OWN BODY. BECOMING OVERLOADED WITH THE STUFF, PAMELA PAINSTAKINGLY LIFTS THE SECOND STACK OF WEIGHTS OFF COWAN'S OTHER ARM.
Cowan (Waking up): Wh-where am I?
Pamela (Deeper voice): What do you know about the Jigsaw killer??
Cowan: J-Jigsaw? Wh-where?
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FISK KEEPS SEARCHING THE PLACE UNTIL HE COMES ACROSS THE F.Y.E. WITH THE FANTASTIC FOUR DISPLAYS. CRAWLING OUT OF THE STORE, FISK SEES DR. HEFFNER.
Fisk: Dr. Heffner! What happened to you?
WITH HIS VOCAL CHORDS CUT, DR. HEFFNER DRAWS THE WORDS "LAST LEAD" IN BLOOD, WITH AN ARROW POINTING TO HIMSELF BEFORE DYING.
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PAMELA BY THIS POINT HAS INJESTED THE LAST OF COWAN'S TESTOSTERONE FROM HER NECK INTO HER OWN MOUTH, AND IS LIFTING THE LAST COLUMN OF WEIGHTS OFF COWAN'S NECK. UNFORTUNATELY, AS WE SEE, COWAN IS STILL LOCKED TO THE MACHINE BY A CHAIN AROUND HER NECK.
Cowan: Yes! Now unlock me!
Pamela (Deeper, slurring voice): *HUFF-PUFF* NO!
Cowan: Yes, please! Just pass me one of those needles, I can pick the lock on this chain!
Pamela: I NEED INFORMATION!
Cowan: Information?
Pamela: I MUST KNOW ABOUT THE JIGSAW KILLER!
Cowan: I'll tell you, just let me go!
Pamela: You tell me first!
Cowan: We're running out of time!
Pamela: No we're not! What could be happening?
Cowan: This place will come crashing down in 10 minutes!
"HELLO ZEPP" VARIATION BEGINS PLAYING
Pamela: You can tell me in that time!
Cowan: You have time to let me go!
Pamela: You'll run away!
Cowan: You can run after me!
Pamela: You're the one wasting time!
Cowan: You're wasting life!
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CUT TO: MORE OF FISK RUNNING THROUGH THE MALL FRANTICALLY.
Fisk: Killing... Off... Last... Leads!
THEN, CUT TO HOFFMAN SNEAKING HIS WAY AROUND THE BACK STORAGE ROOMS. OPENING A DOOR TO AN UNKNOWN STORE, HOFFMAN SUDDENLY STOPS, SEEING JILL FROM THE BACK, AND COCKS HIS GUN.
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CUT BACK TO PAMELA AND COWAN. THANKS TO THE DRUGS PAMELA IS BEGINNING TO LOOK EXASPERATED, ALMOST UNABLE TO HOLD THE WEIGHTS OFF COWAN. COWAN, THROUGH STRETCHY FORCE OF WILL, HAS MANAGED TO FINALLY GRAB AHOLD OF ONE OF THE SYRINGES, AND PREPARES TO USE IT TO PICK THE LOCK AROUND HER NECK.
Cowan (relieved): Finally! Hey, Pamela!
Pamela: HUH?
Cowan (Trying to pick the lock): Strahm told me one last thing before he............ ..............Disappeared.
SUSPENSE SHOTS OF PAMELA KEEPING THE WEIGHTS UP. WE SEE FISK APPROACHING THE RUSH, WHERE PAMELA AND COWAN ARE.
Cowan: Before Strahm disappeared......................
MORE SUSPENSE SHOTS, PAMELA IS HAVING AN EVEN HARDER TIME KEEPING THE WEIGHTS UP. FISK IS RUNNING THROUGH THE LABYRINTH OF EXERCISE MACHINES.
Cowan: He said Hoffman did it!
Pamela: Hoffman did it?!
THE SHOCK OF THIS CAUSES PAMELA TO DROP THE ARM WEIGHTS BACK ON COWAN'S ARMS, CRUSHING THEM BEFORE THEY CAN PICK THE LOCK. THE SOUND OF BONES CRUNCHING ATTRACTS FISK TO THE SCENE, GUN DRAWN. "HELLO ZEPP" VARIATION ENDS.
Fisk: LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!
Pamela: SHE SAYS "HOFFMAN DID IT!"!
FISK SHOOTS PAMELA IN THE CHEST, CAUSING HER TO DROP THE LAST WEIGHTS BACK ON COWAN'S HEAD, CRUSHING IT.
Jigsaw voice from nowhere: Hello Pamela. If you are hearing this... It means you now know all there is to know about the Jigsaw Killer. It also means you have been shot by Agent Fisk, stopping you from benefitting from the information you so painstakingly gathered. With this, you learn your final lesson tonight. Had you been going slower, you may not have only saved your "interviewees" lives, you could have met up with Fisk more peacefully and saved your own.
FLASHBACKS TO LOVER'S STRAPS, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE SHOT THROUGH, THE VOCAL-CHORD BLADES, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE DISABLED, AND THE LOCK, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE PICKED
Jigsaw voice from nowhere: Yet you did not. Your obsession with this story made you want to do things in the oh-so-efficient manner you were praised for before. Now your last credit will be in an obituary, your last story... the one telling of the corpses found in this demolished mall.
AT THE MOMENT THE VOICE STOPS, PAMELA DIES.
Jigsaw voice from nowhere (again): And what about you, Agent Fisk? Because of your obsession with finding me, you killed one of your own witnesses, which in turn, killed one of your own colleagues. All the signs say that there is nothing else useful you can do here, but if you wish to know Agent Cowan's SECRET. You can keep playing... until you find her SECRET.
AN I.D. CARD FALLS OFF OF COWAN'S PERSON. "AGENT VICTORIA COWAN". THE "VICTORIA" IS CIRCLED.
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CUT TO: HOFFMAN CONTINUES TO SNEAK UP ON JILL, GUN DRAWN. MEANWHILE, FISK STARTS TO RUN THROUGH THE MALL AGAIN UNTIL HE CATCHES SIGHT OF A STORE: "VICTORIA'S SECRET", WITH THE "SECRET" UNDERLINED IN GLOW PAINT. FISK HAS FASHBACKS TO THE "HO" IN HOT TOPIC, THE "FF" DISPLAYS IN FYE, AND THE "MAN" WRITTEN ON COWAN, THEN TO PAMELA SCREAMING "HOFFMAN DID IT!!!".
CUT TO: INSIDE THE STORE, HOFFMAN SUDDENLY SHOOTS JILL AND RUNS UP TO THE CORPSE, ONLY TO SEE IT'S JUST A MANNEQUIN! WE DISCOVER HOFFMAN IS IN FACT IN THE SAME VICTORIA'S SECRET THAT FISK IS HEADED STRAIGHT INTO. HOFFMAN LINGERS OVER THE BROKEN MANNEQUIN UNTIL FISK RUNS LIKE A BAT-OUT-OF-HELL TO THE STORE, SEEING HOFF STANDING MENACINGLY OVER THE FEMALE FIGURE WITH HIS GUN DRAWN.
Fisk: HOFFMAN!
FISK BASEBALL-SLIDES ACROSS THE TILE AND SHOOTS HOFFMAN IN THE LEG, HITTING THAT ARTERY EVERYONE ALWAYS MOANS ABOUT, AND EFFECTIVELY DOOMING HIM. HEAVILY BREATHING, FISK GETS UP AND STEPS OVER TO HOFFMAN, EXAMINING HIS WRITHING BODY.
Fisk: Game over.
SUDDENLY, THE DOOR HEADING BACK TO THE STORAGE ROOM SLAMS SHUT, AS DOES THE METAL CAGE SEPERATING VICTORIA'S SECRET FROM THE REST OF THE MALL. ANOTHER VARIATION OF "HELLO ZEPP" BEGINS TO PLAY AS JILL STEPS IN FRONT OF THE CLOSED-OFF UNDERWEAR-STORE.
Jill: Hello Fisk, Hoffman, and goodbye. Agent Hoffman, you were the greatest of my husband's subjects. You passed your test, not setting off the shotgun attached to your chair with flying colors, changed your ways to exactly meet John's standards, in fact, improving on his philosophy to not test those who didn't really need testing. You carried out John's work to a "t".
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FLASHBACK TO HOFFMAN, SAVING ERIC AFTER AMANDA (In a new flashback!!!!!!!!!) LEAVES HIM TO DIE, THEN TO HOFFMAN CONFRONTING JOHN.
John: Amanda didn't set Eric free?
Hoffman: No, sir.
John: Hmm... I'll bring that up as part of her final test... Act as though I had no idea...
Hoffman: What to do about Eric?
John: Fate seems to not favor him... Put him in one last test, and Art Blank too. One of the SWAT officers that found me must be cured of his obsession...
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Jill: Your own tests were flawless
-----------------------------
FLASHBACK TO: AMANDA WITH HOFFMAN, WHO IS MAKING THE WATER-CUBE TRAP.
Amanda (Evilly): I see I'm rubbing off on you, heheheheh!!!!!!
Hoffman: Amanda, you're not going to corrupt me. Your tests are death sentences
Amanda: So is yours!
Hoffman: No. Strahm's test is to stay in the sick room after killing the next subject. Only if he decides to go into this room will I put this on him! And... Even if he makes that mistake, I will leave him one last chance...
HOFFMAN TAKES OUT STRAHM'S PEN!
--------------------------
Jill: You were the perfect successor to the legacy in every way. Except one... YOU LET STRAHM KNOW WHO YOU WERE.
--------------------------
FLASHBACK: "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!!!!"
--------------------------
Jill: It is only because of that... That you find yourself here, dying in vain. It is I who will continue my husband's legacy, as he intended.
--------------------------
FLASHBACK TO JOHN AND JILL
John: When we married, you said you would always be by my side... In sickness... *COUGHCHOKEWHEEEEZE* ...And in health.
JOHN PICKS UP A RANDOM TOOL, WHICH WE CAN ASSUME IS PART OF SOME TRAP, (NOTE: Though fans wonder exactly which trap he was working on with Jill...)
Jill: Yes... I did... And I don't regret that...
NEW FLASHBACK: JILL OPENS THE BOX AT THE WILL READING. INSIDE, THERE IS............... .............A TAPE PLAYER! WITH A TAPE MARKED "JILL"!
---------------------------
Jill: My first test... was your last. Game... Over.
HOFFMAN DIES. JILL BEGINS TO WALK AWAY
Fisk: WAAAAAAAAIT! What about me?!
Jill: Fisk, you came all this way alone just to hear this... You have learned who your quarry is just in time to become her first subject. Your obsession has turned the tables on your own self.
Fisk: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NONO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME! FUCK! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP ME!
FISK SHOOTS THE CAGE TO TRY TO HIT JILL, BUT THE SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF.
Jill: Game... Over.
Fisk: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE CUT TO OUTSIDE, THE MALL IS DEMOLISHED.
(Runtime: 72 minutes including credits. A Zoid Berg, Donnie Greco production)
-------------------------------------
PREVIEW TO SAW VII (Coming straight to your DVD player September 24!):
Erickson: No survivors. We found Fisk, Hoffman, Ms. Jenkins, Ms. Tuck, and 5 others dead inside.
LAMANNA SNEAKS UP, SMILING EVILLY
Lamanna: hehehehehehe! Game, over!
-----------------------------------------------------
WE OPEN WITH STRAHM GETTING CRUSHED. AFTERWARDS, THE WALLS OPEN AND HOFFMAN EPICLY GETS OUT OF THE BOX-THING WITH THE SAME SMILE HE HAD BEFORE, THEN WALKS TO THE ENTRANCE SAYING NOTHING, TAKES A KEY OUT OF HIS POCKET, AND OPENS THE DOOR WITH IT.
THE CRUSHER CLOSES AGAIN. ON THE CRUSHER, THE TITLE CARD APPEARS ON A METAL BACKGROUND: SAW VI (Two more "6"s are drawn in blood, making "Saw 666")
CUT TO: ERICKSON OUTSIDE THE SAW V HOUSE WITH HOFFMAN, AMBULANCES SURROUNDING THEM.
Erickson: You're pressing your luck Hoffman, thank God you're allright. You were the only survivor again, we've searched the entire premises and found no clues at all, just some maze of traps those poor people were in, and some door leading to a metal wall. What happened?
Hoffman: It was Strahm. He did this. He was jealous of me and wanted to restart the killings to see if I could do it again...
Erickson: Jesus, Peter... If I find him, I'll kill him! For now, you're needed at the autopsy.
------------------------------
MORE POINTLESS SCENES OF JOHN'S CORPSE FROM MORE DIFFERENT ANGLES. HOFFMAN PLAYS HIS TAPE
John's voice: You think this is over? The games have just begun...
------------------------------
CUT TO: FISK LOOKING DETERMINED WITH A PILE OF NOTES.
------------------------------
FLASHBACK TO: FISK AND HOFFMAN INVESTIGATING SEATH'S DETH.
Fisk: This is peculiar... This mechanism here seems to indicate this man did not have a chance in his trap. From what we've seen with the previous victim, he had a chance.
FLASHBACK TO: A DIFFERENT ACTOR PLAYING MARK, TRYING TO DECIPHER THE NUMBERS IN THE FLAMMABLE-JELLY ROOM, THEN DYING.
Fisk: We're still undecided about the first victim.
FLASHBACK TO: CECIL PRESSING HIS FACE INTO THE KNIVES, THEN RUNNING INTO THE RAZOR-WIRE
Fisk: Then........................................ There was the one............................ Who escaped.
--------------------------
FLASHBACK TO: A GUY, COVERED IN SEWN-ON TATTOOS, ATTATCHED TO A WALL BY A CHAIN, WITH A LOCKED RING PIERCING HIS NOSE.
Guy: Fuuuuuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Help, oh God, help me! Fuck! FUCK!
GUY CONTINUES WHILST JIGSAW WALKS INTO THE ROOM, ACTUALLY USING BILLY LIKE A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY.
Jigsaw: Hello Bill, I want to play a game. For years you have been modifying your body with morbid images and gruesome instruments
FLASH CUTS TO BILL'S TATTOOS
Jigsaw: Did you really think those things looked "tuff"? Or did you just get them to distract people from your own perceived ugliness?
Bill: NO! I think body-mod is a legitimate art-form!
Jigsaw: Maybe you can devote your time to other methods of art... If you survive. To do so, you're going to have to reveal what lies below your flesh... Reveal your true self. Under four of your tattoos, I have hidden a fragment of a key. It is this key that can release that ugly device from your nose, and in the process, your true self.
Bill: Fuck you!
Jigsaw: Many have said that to me... Not many have lived to do so. We will see if you are worthy... In 1 minute.
Bill: What happens in one minute??!
Jigsaw: Let's just say... you'll get the point.
BILL RIPS HIS TATTOOS OFF, ONE-BY-ONE IN GORY CLOSEUP, THEN FRANTICALLY PUTS THE KEY TOGETHER, AND UNLOCKS THE RING THROUGH HIS NOSE, FALLING BACKWARDS. THE FLOOR OPENS UP UNDER THE SPOT WHERE HE WAS STANDING TO REVEAL A PIT FULL OF RUSTY OLD JEWELERY.
Jigsaw: Congratulations Bill... Most people are so ungrateful to be alive... Not you... Not anymore...
-------------------------------
IN THE FIRST FLASHBACK, HOFFMAN COMES UP BEHIND FISK.
Hoffman: You shouldn't be so obsessive... You know?
-------------------------------
PRESENT TIME: HOFFMAN COMES UP BEHIND FISK.
Hoffman: You shouldn't obsess like that, you're too... Obsessive.
Fisk: I can't help it. First, the old man killed almost half of our department (NOTE: Whether or not John actually killed almost half the department becomes a great source of controversy for SAW fans), now Strahm's finishing the job. It seems like it never ends... Like... the games have just begun...
--------------------------------
CUT TO: PAMELA JENKINS, WAKING UP INSIDE A BIG MALL STORAGE ROOM. THERE IS A TELEVISION THERE THAT TURNS ON WITH BILLY'S FACE
BillyHoffSaw: Hello Pamela, for almost a week now you have been following me, trying the best you can to know more. Well now you're really in the shit, and by the end of this night, you will know everything.
PAMELA THROWS HER SHOE AT THE SCREEN, BREAKING IT LIKE A BADASS
---------------------------------
CUT TO: FISK AND ERICKSON, AT A PLACE OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE.
Fisk: Since this is a new killer, we had better compile what little information we already have, and wait for more bodies to turn up.
Erickson: o.k.
Fisk: First of all, we have to find the bodies....................... that are still alive.
Erickson: You're on to something
Fisk: Right now we only have two leads. I'll place a call to................. JILL TUCK!
---------------------------------
IN A CREEPILY DARK ROOM, FISK CALLS JILL.
Fisk: Jill? This is agent Fisk from the RCMP, we'd like to have a word with you
Jill (On phone): I've already told you I don't know shit!
Fisk: Well we're sorry for bothering you...
Jill: Right now I am at 1234 Repo BLVD. Tell that to Hoffman.
Fisk: I'll do that.
------------------------------
CUT TO: PAMELA WALKING THROUGH A VERY DILAPIDATED LOOKING MALL. SHE COMES ACROSS A HOT TOPIC WITH ONLY THE LETTERS "HO" ILLUMINATED ON THE ELECTRIC SIGN. WALKING UNDER THE HORSESHOE ENTRANCE-THING, THE PLACE LIGHTS UP FOR PAMELA. THE VOICE OF JIGSAW IS HEARD OVER THE INTERCOM.
Voice of Jigsaw: Hello Pamela, you are about to find your first interviewee. He is a man who has a special place in the heart of two of my subjects, for one, an object of lust, for another, an unseen object of wrath. Now, there is a catch with this one interviewee: He has nothing to tell you. You may rescue him if you will, but he will give you nothing of value. His life is in your hands, if you wish to give up precious time you have to get to know me. You have until the end of this My Chemical Romance song to save the lover of one chemist from his bondage...
A MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SONG PLAYS OVER THE INTERCOM. PAMELA RUNS AROUND, LOOKING FOR THE VICTIM. AFTER FRANTICALLY SEARCHING, SHE SEES A BODY AT THE BACK, PIERCED BY SEVERAL METAL-HANGER-SPOKE THINGS THAT SEVERAL JIGSAW ACTION-FIGURES HANG FROM. PAMELA TEARS THE TOYS DOWN FROM THEIR HANGERS TO REVEAL THE SEMI-IMPALED-SEMI-HELD-BACK (with leather straps) "LYNN'S-LOVER-GUY". THE MAN'S WOUNDS ARE BEING DANGEROUSLY AGGRAVATED BY THE LEATHER-STRAPS, WHICH VIBRATE THROUGH UNKNOWN MEANS.
Lynn's-lover-guy: HELP ME! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HELP ME!
SEARCHING FOR A MEANS TO CUT THE MAN DOWN, SHE FINDS RAZOR-BLADES TAPED TO THE BACK OF THE JIGSAW ACTION-FIGURES. PAMELA, TEARS ONE OFF AND BEGINS SAWING AT THE FIRST OF THE STRAPS HOLDING LYNN'S LOVER TO THE WALL. PAMELA TOSSES THE FIRST DOWN AFTER SHE IS DONE WITH THE FIRST STRAP, AND TAKES ANOTHER TO DO THE NEXT, AND THE NEXT, UNTIL SHE CAN'T FIND ANY MORE RAZORS. THE LOVERGUY IS STILL STRAPPED (and impaled) TO THE WALL BY A PIECE OF LEATHER OVER HIS NECK, VIBRATING NOW EVEN MORE FURIOUSLY. DESPERATELY, PAMELA FINDS A PAIR OF METALLIC VAMPIRE FANGS, WITH WHICH SHE IS FORCED TO USE TO NIBBLE ON THE FINAL LEATHER-STRAP, RELEASING THE MAN FROM THE WALL AND ONTO THE FLOOR. THE MCR SONG ENDS.
Lynn's-Lover (Bleeding from just about everywhere): AAAAGGH!!! OHH, FUCK! HELP ME!
PAMELA LOOKS DOWN. "FYE" IS DRAWN ON LYNN'S LOVER'S BACK.
Pamela: FYE? ...What could that mean?
Lynn's-lover: AAAAGGH!!! OHH, FUCK! HELP ME!
Pamela: I'm sorry.
PAMELA RUNS OFF.
------------------------------------------
FISK AND ERICKSON WALK DOWN A HALLWAY.
Fisk: Jill Tuck didn't know anything. We only have one lead left. The only person to survive one of Jigsaw's traps (NOTE: It is later confirmed in the storyboard-artist's commentary that the gas caused Daniel's brain to shut down, and Morgan's wounds turned out to be fatal). We feel he may have some information we haven't yet procured.
Erickson: Good work.
FISK AND ERICKSON ARRIVE AT AN INTERROGATION ROOM WHERE BILL FROM THE EARLIER FLASHBACK IS BEING KEPT, SHOWING NO VISIBLE TRACES OF HIS WOUNDS. THERE ARE SOME SEMI-HELPFUL BUT OVERALL POINTLESS FLASHBACKS OF THE TRAP-SEQUENCE BEFORE FISK STEPS IN TO QUESTION THE MAN. (VERY DYNAMIC CLOSEUPS OF THE TWO THROUGHOUT THE SCENE)
Fisk: Tell me everything you know.
Bill: Well, where do I begin? ...Jigsaw was testing me... I was afraid... I didn't know who this guy was, but I knew I had to survive... So I did what he said, then... I survived.
Fisk: But...... Is there anything else? ........Anything you're not telling me?
Bill: Hmmmmmmmmmm........ When I woke up...
MORE FLASHBACKS TO BILL, UNCONSCIOUS AFTER HIS TRAP. JOHN IS SECRETLY TATTOOING SOMETHING ELSE ON HIM WITH A RUSTY FOUNTAIN PEN... CUT TO: AN EXTREME CLOSEUP ON BILL LIFTING UP HIS SHIRT IN THE PRESENT. FISK LOOKS WIDE-EYED AT THE MESSAGE CRUDELY-SCARRED INTO HIS BELLY: 1234 REPO BLVD. WE THEN CUT TO FISK AND ERICKSON FAST-WALKING THROUGH THE POLICE-STATION HALLS.
Fisk: 1234 Repo Blvd! That's the same place Jill told me to tell Hoffman she was at!
Erickson: And so?
Fisk: I did some research... That address is an abandoned shopping-mall, it's set to be demolished in half an hour!
Erickson: Get Hoffman on the case.
Fisk: He's gone sir! And Agent Cowan has disappeared too.
Erickson: o.k.
Fisk: Organize a SWAT Team, tell them to meet at that address in 30 minutes or less!
Erickson: You're off the case!
FISK RUNS OFF. LAMANNA PACES UP BEHIND ERICKSON.
Lamanna: Fisk there runs like all "Wigga-whizzow!" (NOTE: New HOJ catchphrase! E.G.: Vinc360: I thought the script was terrible, and the woman who played Pamela did not put an acceptable amount of effort into her portrayal. Ribcaged: You just wanna Wigga-whizzow with her, don't you?)
-----------------------
PAMELA, SEARCHING THROUGH THE MALL COMES ACROSS A STORE: F.Y.E. A MOMENT OF SHOCKED REALIZATION COMES ACROSS HER FACE, AND SHE RUNS IN. INSIDE THERE IS A BIG MAZE OF DVD-STACKED SHELVES. PAMELA MAKES HER WAY TO THE BACK: THE BARGAIN SECTION, FILLED WITH DVDS OF SAW V... AND THE FANTASTIC 4 MOVIE. CURIOUSLY, PAMELA NOTICES A JOSTLING FANTASTIC-4 CARDBOARD DISPLAY, WHICH SHE PUSHES ASIDE.
Man: HELLLLP!!!! HELP ME!!
BEHIND THE THING, SHE SEES NONE OTHER THAN DR. HEFFNER, STRAPPED DOWN TO A MENACING-METAL CHAIR BY HIS NECK, WITH SEVERAL OPEN DVD PLAYERS ATTATCHED TO THE DEVICE ON METAL POLES! THE PLAYERS ARE POINTED AT HIS LEGS, CROTCH, ARMS, AND HEAD. ANOTHER DVD PLAYER OFF TO THE SIDE TURNS ON WITH BILLY'S FACE.
Billy: Hello Dr. Heffner. For all your career you have wanted to be... fantastic. You have always been the first to examine the diseased bodies of killers and... others. Now, you will be the one to be x-rayed. If this doesn't sound like and interesting prospect, the one next to you can help. Pamela, you have the chance to interview... or rescue a potential key-witness to the Jigsaw case, but you only have a few minutes. Soon, trailers will begin playing on these players. Normally this would only be an annoyance, but observe...
A TRAILER BEGINS PLAYING ON THE FIRST DVD PLAYER. THE LASER ON IT SOMEHOW SHINES THROUGH THE DISK.
Heffner: AAGH!!! MERCIFUL GOD!!!
Billy: As the trailers play these players will fire their class-2 lasers directly into Dr. Heffner's body... The quicker you get him through the maze here, the better chance there will be of his safety.
CUT TO: A SHOT OF SAWBLADES SPINNING ON DVD-DISK-PLAYERS AT THE EXIT OF THE MAZE.
Billy: If he makes it to the exit-point in time, those blades will be waiting to free him from his restraint... But this will sever his vocal-chords in the process. Get what you need quickly, Dr. Heffner is on a time-table.
THE FIRST PLAYER FINISHES IT'S TRAILER, LEAVING HEFFNER'S RIGHT LEG A RADIOACTIVE-SORE INFESTED LUMP-STUMP. A SECOND ONE BEGINS PLAYING, BURNING INTO HIS OTHER LEG.
Heffner: GET ME OUUTT!!!!
Pamela: First, tell me what you know about the Jigsaw killer!
Heffner: Whatever, just go!
Pamela: First, tell me something!
Heffner: He's... he's dead! I did the autopsy on him last night!
PAMELA BEGINS RUNNING HEFFNER THROUGH THE MAZE, WELL-INTO THE SECOND TRAILER.
Pamela: Well what-- What did you see in him?
Heffner: He had several laceration-- AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THE THIRD TRAILER BEGINS, AND THE LASER FIRES INTO HIS CROTCH
Pamela: I don't need to know this-- OH shit!
IN HER PREOCCUPATION WITH FINDING OUT INFO, PAMELA HAS HIT A DEAD-END
Pamela: Great job!
PAMELA PULLS HEFFNER BACK AND FINDS ANOTHER PATH.
Pamela: Now, was there anything unusual?
Heffner: Aside from impromptu-surgery--? UUUUUURGH!
THE NEXT VIDEO BEGINS
Pamela: That IS interesting! What else?
Heffner: I--- I--- There's the exit! Hurry!
PAMELA STOPS JUST A FOOT FROM THE EXIT-BLADES
Heffner: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???
Pamela: Those things are gonna cut through your vocal chords, now, what else was there?
Heffner: We don't have time!
Pamela: It'll be quick... er!
Heffner: You idiot!
Pamela: You're an idiot, and you're wasting time!
Heffner: But you-GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
THE NEXT PLAYER BEGINS FIRING IT'S LASER INTO HEFFNER'S LEFT ARM, IT IS THE LAST BEFORE THE ONE AIMING AT HIS HEAD.
Heffner: There was a tape in his stomach!
Pamela: Oh come on, you must be making that up!
Heffner: I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!I'm not!
Pamela: Well, what did it say?
Heffner: "The games have just begun"
Pamela: Well, duh!
Heffner: "You think you are the last man standing??" Fuck, I think it was for Hoffman!
Pamela: Hoffman?
PAMELA PUSHES HEFFNER OUT OF THE EXIT, TEARING OFF HIS NECK-RESTRAINT, TEARING INTO HIS VOCAL-CHORDS, AND CAUSING THE PLAYERS TO FALL OFF THE CHAIR. THE PLAYER AIMED AT HEFFNER'S HEAD FALLS INTO HIS LAP AND BEGINS PLAYING, FIRING IT'S LASER INTO HIS STOMACH INSTEAD OF HIS BRAIN
Heffner: BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
HEFFNER FALLS TO THE FLOOR, HIS ARMS AND LEGS HIDEOUSLY BURNED, BOILED, AND BAKED, AND BEGINS TO PUKE HIS GUTS OUT. PAMELA CAREFULLY STEPS OVER THE DYING DOCTOR... SUDDENLY, HER ATTENTION IS CALLED BACK TO THE SCENE AS SHE HEARS THE LAST PLAYER FALL SILENT. PAMELA CAREFULLY MAKES HER WAY OVER TO THE THING AND FINDS A MESSAGE WRITTEN ON THE EXPOSED DISK: "FEEL THE RUSH"
--------------------------------
CUT TO: HOFFMAN, SNEAKILY SNEAKING OUTSIDE THE BACKDOOR ENTRANCE TO THE MALL, GUN DRAWN. BADASS-STYLE, HE SHOOTS THE LOCK OFF AND STUPIDLY CALLS OUT
Hoffman: Jill?? Ms. Tuck??
CUT TO: FISK, LOOKING QUITE OBSESSED AS HE DRIVES TO THE MALL ALONE.
---------------------------
PAMELA RUNS FRANTICALLY FROM ROOM TO ROOM AS IF SHE SOMEHOW KNOWS THAT THE BUILDING IS TO BE DEMOLISHED THE SAME WAY THE AUDIENCE DOES. FINALLY, SHE FINDS ANOTHER LIT-ROOM: "THE RUSH FITNESS CENTER". PAMELA RUNS BETWEEN SEVERAL DECREPIT LOOKING WORKOUT MACHINES UNTIL SHE COMES ACROSS A GROGGY AGENT COWAN, HER ARMS AND NECK PRESSED UNDER SEVERAL WEIGHTS IN A VERY MENACING LOOKING WORKOUT CONTRAPTION, WITH THE WORD "MAN" SCRAWLED ON HER CHEST AREA IN SHARPIE. THERE IS A WALKMAN ON THE FLOOR, WHICH PAMELA PICKS UP AND PRESSES PLAY ON.
Walkman: Hello Pamela, if you have reached this place before 10:30, it probably means you have not stopped to help any of the others. How awful of you. In your quest for knowledge about me, have you not discovered anything about yourself? Listen carefully, you have one last chance to actually help someone, and get the final details of your story that you need. Or you can take this chance to escape. You see in front of you your opposite; Agent Cowan tries hard, and takes her time in this gym each day... but yet she never seems to get the recognition she deserves, which her incompetant male compatriots possess. You could learn a lot from Ms. Cowan. However, also unlike you, her ambition has lead to her envy. Because of her ambition for her peers, Ms. Cowan has developed a desire to be a man... like them.
CLOSE UP ON THE "MAN" SCRAWLED ON COWAN'S CHEST.
Walkman: No one but she and I know, but one day, Agent Cowan decided to begin a hormone regiment to assist her in her training. That very thing has corrupted her, which is why I am testing you two opposites now. As a drugged half a man, Cowan cannot help herself. As a whole woman you cannot help her. Your duty is to use the syringes at your feet
THERE ARE SYRINGES, DOUBLE-TIPPED: STAR WARS EPISODE I STYLE, LYING AT HER FEET
Walkman: To chemically emasculate Agent Cowan, and transfer her drugged testosterone into yourself. Only then will you have the strength to save her, and she the clearheadedness to save herself. Hurry though, time is of the essence.
PAMELA PICKS UP ONE OF THE SYRINGES, AND PROCEEDS TO STAB ONE END INTO ONE OF COWAN'S HANDS, TRAPPED UNDERNEATH A STACK OF WEIGHTS. SHE STICKS HERSELF WITH THE OTHER END OF THE NEEDLE, AND TRANSFERS COWAN'S MAN-BLOOD INTO HER BODY, WHICH UNREALISTICALLY GIVES HER THE STRENGTH TO LIFT ONE STACK OF WEIGHTS UP.
---------------------------
AGENT FISK BEGINS TO PATROL THE MALL. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, HE COMES ACROSS THE HOT TOPIC WITH THE "HO" LIT UP. FISK RUNS IN TO FIND LYNN'S LOVER BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR
Fisk: Hooooooly crap.......
Lynn's-lover: Uug-ghh-gh
Fisk: Who could have done this??
Lynn's-lover: Th-the girllllllllll........
LYNN'S LOVER DIES
-----------------------
PAMELA HAS STARTED ON COWAN'S SECOND HAND, TRANSFERRING HER TESTOSTERONE INTO HER OWN BODY. BECOMING OVERLOADED WITH THE STUFF, PAMELA PAINSTAKINGLY LIFTS THE SECOND STACK OF WEIGHTS OFF COWAN'S OTHER ARM.
Cowan (Waking up): Wh-where am I?
Pamela (Deeper voice): What do you know about the Jigsaw killer??
Cowan: J-Jigsaw? Wh-where?
------------------------
FISK KEEPS SEARCHING THE PLACE UNTIL HE COMES ACROSS THE F.Y.E. WITH THE FANTASTIC FOUR DISPLAYS. CRAWLING OUT OF THE STORE, FISK SEES DR. HEFFNER.
Fisk: Dr. Heffner! What happened to you?
WITH HIS VOCAL CHORDS CUT, DR. HEFFNER DRAWS THE WORDS "LAST LEAD" IN BLOOD, WITH AN ARROW POINTING TO HIMSELF BEFORE DYING.
-------------------------
PAMELA BY THIS POINT HAS INJESTED THE LAST OF COWAN'S TESTOSTERONE FROM HER NECK INTO HER OWN MOUTH, AND IS LIFTING THE LAST COLUMN OF WEIGHTS OFF COWAN'S NECK. UNFORTUNATELY, AS WE SEE, COWAN IS STILL LOCKED TO THE MACHINE BY A CHAIN AROUND HER NECK.
Cowan: Yes! Now unlock me!
Pamela (Deeper, slurring voice): *HUFF-PUFF* NO!
Cowan: Yes, please! Just pass me one of those needles, I can pick the lock on this chain!
Pamela: I NEED INFORMATION!
Cowan: Information?
Pamela: I MUST KNOW ABOUT THE JIGSAW KILLER!
Cowan: I'll tell you, just let me go!
Pamela: You tell me first!
Cowan: We're running out of time!
Pamela: No we're not! What could be happening?
Cowan: This place will come crashing down in 10 minutes!
"HELLO ZEPP" VARIATION BEGINS PLAYING
Pamela: You can tell me in that time!
Cowan: You have time to let me go!
Pamela: You'll run away!
Cowan: You can run after me!
Pamela: You're the one wasting time!
Cowan: You're wasting life!
-----------------------------------
CUT TO: MORE OF FISK RUNNING THROUGH THE MALL FRANTICALLY.
Fisk: Killing... Off... Last... Leads!
THEN, CUT TO HOFFMAN SNEAKING HIS WAY AROUND THE BACK STORAGE ROOMS. OPENING A DOOR TO AN UNKNOWN STORE, HOFFMAN SUDDENLY STOPS, SEEING JILL FROM THE BACK, AND COCKS HIS GUN.
-----------------------------------
CUT BACK TO PAMELA AND COWAN. THANKS TO THE DRUGS PAMELA IS BEGINNING TO LOOK EXASPERATED, ALMOST UNABLE TO HOLD THE WEIGHTS OFF COWAN. COWAN, THROUGH STRETCHY FORCE OF WILL, HAS MANAGED TO FINALLY GRAB AHOLD OF ONE OF THE SYRINGES, AND PREPARES TO USE IT TO PICK THE LOCK AROUND HER NECK.
Cowan (relieved): Finally! Hey, Pamela!
Pamela: HUH?
Cowan (Trying to pick the lock): Strahm told me one last thing before he............ ..............Disappeared.
SUSPENSE SHOTS OF PAMELA KEEPING THE WEIGHTS UP. WE SEE FISK APPROACHING THE RUSH, WHERE PAMELA AND COWAN ARE.
Cowan: Before Strahm disappeared......................
MORE SUSPENSE SHOTS, PAMELA IS HAVING AN EVEN HARDER TIME KEEPING THE WEIGHTS UP. FISK IS RUNNING THROUGH THE LABYRINTH OF EXERCISE MACHINES.
Cowan: He said Hoffman did it!
Pamela: Hoffman did it?!
THE SHOCK OF THIS CAUSES PAMELA TO DROP THE ARM WEIGHTS BACK ON COWAN'S ARMS, CRUSHING THEM BEFORE THEY CAN PICK THE LOCK. THE SOUND OF BONES CRUNCHING ATTRACTS FISK TO THE SCENE, GUN DRAWN. "HELLO ZEPP" VARIATION ENDS.
Fisk: LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!
Pamela: SHE SAYS "HOFFMAN DID IT!"!
FISK SHOOTS PAMELA IN THE CHEST, CAUSING HER TO DROP THE LAST WEIGHTS BACK ON COWAN'S HEAD, CRUSHING IT.
Jigsaw voice from nowhere: Hello Pamela. If you are hearing this... It means you now know all there is to know about the Jigsaw Killer. It also means you have been shot by Agent Fisk, stopping you from benefitting from the information you so painstakingly gathered. With this, you learn your final lesson tonight. Had you been going slower, you may not have only saved your "interviewees" lives, you could have met up with Fisk more peacefully and saved your own.
FLASHBACKS TO LOVER'S STRAPS, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE SHOT THROUGH, THE VOCAL-CHORD BLADES, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE DISABLED, AND THE LOCK, WHICH FISK COULD HAVE PICKED
Jigsaw voice from nowhere: Yet you did not. Your obsession with this story made you want to do things in the oh-so-efficient manner you were praised for before. Now your last credit will be in an obituary, your last story... the one telling of the corpses found in this demolished mall.
AT THE MOMENT THE VOICE STOPS, PAMELA DIES.
Jigsaw voice from nowhere (again): And what about you, Agent Fisk? Because of your obsession with finding me, you killed one of your own witnesses, which in turn, killed one of your own colleagues. All the signs say that there is nothing else useful you can do here, but if you wish to know Agent Cowan's SECRET. You can keep playing... until you find her SECRET.
AN I.D. CARD FALLS OFF OF COWAN'S PERSON. "AGENT VICTORIA COWAN". THE "VICTORIA" IS CIRCLED.
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CUT TO: HOFFMAN CONTINUES TO SNEAK UP ON JILL, GUN DRAWN. MEANWHILE, FISK STARTS TO RUN THROUGH THE MALL AGAIN UNTIL HE CATCHES SIGHT OF A STORE: "VICTORIA'S SECRET", WITH THE "SECRET" UNDERLINED IN GLOW PAINT. FISK HAS FASHBACKS TO THE "HO" IN HOT TOPIC, THE "FF" DISPLAYS IN FYE, AND THE "MAN" WRITTEN ON COWAN, THEN TO PAMELA SCREAMING "HOFFMAN DID IT!!!".
CUT TO: INSIDE THE STORE, HOFFMAN SUDDENLY SHOOTS JILL AND RUNS UP TO THE CORPSE, ONLY TO SEE IT'S JUST A MANNEQUIN! WE DISCOVER HOFFMAN IS IN FACT IN THE SAME VICTORIA'S SECRET THAT FISK IS HEADED STRAIGHT INTO. HOFFMAN LINGERS OVER THE BROKEN MANNEQUIN UNTIL FISK RUNS LIKE A BAT-OUT-OF-HELL TO THE STORE, SEEING HOFF STANDING MENACINGLY OVER THE FEMALE FIGURE WITH HIS GUN DRAWN.
Fisk: HOFFMAN!
FISK BASEBALL-SLIDES ACROSS THE TILE AND SHOOTS HOFFMAN IN THE LEG, HITTING THAT ARTERY EVERYONE ALWAYS MOANS ABOUT, AND EFFECTIVELY DOOMING HIM. HEAVILY BREATHING, FISK GETS UP AND STEPS OVER TO HOFFMAN, EXAMINING HIS WRITHING BODY.
Fisk: Game over.
SUDDENLY, THE DOOR HEADING BACK TO THE STORAGE ROOM SLAMS SHUT, AS DOES THE METAL CAGE SEPERATING VICTORIA'S SECRET FROM THE REST OF THE MALL. ANOTHER VARIATION OF "HELLO ZEPP" BEGINS TO PLAY AS JILL STEPS IN FRONT OF THE CLOSED-OFF UNDERWEAR-STORE.
Jill: Hello Fisk, Hoffman, and goodbye. Agent Hoffman, you were the greatest of my husband's subjects. You passed your test, not setting off the shotgun attached to your chair with flying colors, changed your ways to exactly meet John's standards, in fact, improving on his philosophy to not test those who didn't really need testing. You carried out John's work to a "t".
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FLASHBACK TO HOFFMAN, SAVING ERIC AFTER AMANDA (In a new flashback!!!!!!!!!) LEAVES HIM TO DIE, THEN TO HOFFMAN CONFRONTING JOHN.
John: Amanda didn't set Eric free?
Hoffman: No, sir.
John: Hmm... I'll bring that up as part of her final test... Act as though I had no idea...
Hoffman: What to do about Eric?
John: Fate seems to not favor him... Put him in one last test, and Art Blank too. One of the SWAT officers that found me must be cured of his obsession...
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Jill: Your own tests were flawless
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FLASHBACK TO: AMANDA WITH HOFFMAN, WHO IS MAKING THE WATER-CUBE TRAP.
Amanda (Evilly): I see I'm rubbing off on you, heheheheh!!!!!!
Hoffman: Amanda, you're not going to corrupt me. Your tests are death sentences
Amanda: So is yours!
Hoffman: No. Strahm's test is to stay in the sick room after killing the next subject. Only if he decides to go into this room will I put this on him! And... Even if he makes that mistake, I will leave him one last chance...
HOFFMAN TAKES OUT STRAHM'S PEN!
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Jill: You were the perfect successor to the legacy in every way. Except one... YOU LET STRAHM KNOW WHO YOU WERE.
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FLASHBACK: "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!!!!"
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Jill: It is only because of that... That you find yourself here, dying in vain. It is I who will continue my husband's legacy, as he intended.
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FLASHBACK TO JOHN AND JILL
John: When we married, you said you would always be by my side... In sickness... *COUGHCHOKEWHEEEEZE* ...And in health.
JOHN PICKS UP A RANDOM TOOL, WHICH WE CAN ASSUME IS PART OF SOME TRAP, (NOTE: Though fans wonder exactly which trap he was working on with Jill...)
Jill: Yes... I did... And I don't regret that...
NEW FLASHBACK: JILL OPENS THE BOX AT THE WILL READING. INSIDE, THERE IS............... .............A TAPE PLAYER! WITH A TAPE MARKED "JILL"!
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Jill: My first test... was your last. Game... Over.
HOFFMAN DIES. JILL BEGINS TO WALK AWAY
Fisk: WAAAAAAAAIT! What about me?!
Jill: Fisk, you came all this way alone just to hear this... You have learned who your quarry is just in time to become her first subject. Your obsession has turned the tables on your own self.
Fisk: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NONO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME! FUCK! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP ME!
FISK SHOOTS THE CAGE TO TRY TO HIT JILL, BUT THE SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF.
Jill: Game... Over.
Fisk: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE CUT TO OUTSIDE, THE MALL IS DEMOLISHED.
(Runtime: 72 minutes including credits. A Zoid Berg, Donnie Greco production)
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PREVIEW TO SAW VII (Coming straight to your DVD player September 24!):
Erickson: No survivors. We found Fisk, Hoffman, Ms. Jenkins, Ms. Tuck, and 5 others dead inside.
LAMANNA SNEAKS UP, SMILING EVILLY
Lamanna: hehehehehehe! Game, over!
âThe Fright Night remake is a film which taps into the audienceâs deepest rooted fears, such as those of vampires throwing motorcycles at them. I dread the thought of a vampire throwing a refrigerator or a deskjet printer or... Iâd better stop before I give myself nightmaresâ
![[-]](http://talkhorror.com/boards/themes/dim/collapse.png)
:eg:Funny.