How I believe the Evil Dead remake may well go down

[Dr. Briggs]

* The expected bombastic score and super-shaky-cam starts up as Amethyst dashes through the forest to try to escape the zombie (when we see its full body, it is dressed up in ragged tribal wear of some sort). She is hindered, however, by CGI branches and vines, which attack her ankles and attempt to trip her up! Amethyst manages to evade many such attacks, but she is (partially due to her own high-ness) continually cut off in her path by zombies (or the same zombie).

* Eventually, Amethyst reaches the road again and breathes a sigh of relief, only for a CGI branch to whip around and gorily slash her throat somehow.

* By this point, Marissa is worried about Amethyst, fearing that the rednecks which Chris may or may not have flung pee at before caught her and may be doing bad things to her as vengeance. Hearing the wind pick up, Ash and Rebecca are too scared to go outside, whereas Chris is just too much of a dick to do so. Marissa gets angry and ventures off alone to find Amethyst.

* Marissa finds Amethyst's body, then screams and in doing so attracts the attention of the zombies. The zombies give chase to her, leading her on the same kind of shaky-cam/heavy-music chase scene as Amethyst, except taking the route backwards. She makes it back to the cabin, but gets bitten by a zombie just before she enters the door.

* In "homage" to the original Evil Dead:

Marissa: "They bit me, they bit me!"
Rebecca: "Marissa, what happened, where's Amethyst?"
Marissa: "She's... dead!"
Ash: "She's dead? Who killed her??"
Marissa: "Th-...the trees killed her!"
Ash: "Wait a second... you got bit by trees? What's next, saying you got fvcked by trees?"
Marissa: "THE TREES DIDN'T BITE ME! I got bit by... by zombies!!!"
Chris: "Zombies?! Now hold on, zombies?! That's fvcking ridiculous!"

* Shot of Marissa close to the camera with her head bent like she's crying, with Chris behind her looking incredulous, yet smug. Slowly, Marissa lifts her head to reveal to the audience all black eyes and blood dripping from her mouth. Marissa suddenly spins around, roars, and attacks Chris! Everyone does a fake-sounding scream/gasp and tries to wrestle Marissa away, but each time, Marissa breaks free and begins her attack again.

* After a very short struggle accentuated by action music, Chris grabs an axe and decapitates Marissa in one stroke, before immediately saying "FVCK YOU GUYS, I'M OUT OF HERE!" and running back to the car. Unfortunately for him the car won't start, and to make matters worse, zombies begin appearing from the woods! When Chris sees the zombies slowly approach, he tries even more frantically to start his car, but fails time and time again and is eventually surrounded by the ghouls, who drag him out of the car and eat him alive whilst Ash and Rebecca watch incredulously from close to a window.

* The zombies approach and then crash through the window in question, forcing Ash and Rebecca to knock them away with firewood. After so many hits, the zombies begin to regroup, leaving Ash and Rebecca the opportunity to search for weapons. Immediately the two decide on the cellar. Inside the cellar, the duo quickly find a shotgun, as well as a "less cheezy" version of the Kandarian dagger from the original Evil Dead films, which they are mystified by but decide to take for its size.

* Ash and Rebecca decide they are well-armed enough to venture outside (stepping over Chris's corpse and looking vaguely grossed out), and feel they should be able to fight their way out of the woods and back to civilization. Somewhere along their journey, they stab one of the zombies with the dagger, and are surprised to see it react to the wound by flying apart in a CGI explosion of corpse-juices. They soon realize that next to a headshot, the dagger is the best way of dealing with the zombies.

* Despite this, Ash and Rebecca soon find the zombies can overwhelm them with sheer number, which forces them to retreat back to the cabin. Along the way, a trio of zombies nearly gain the upper hand on the duo, but they are saved by a local hunter named Jake (or rather in this version, "Hezekiah"), who is escorting the daughter of the professor from the intro/cursed tapes to her father's cabin (In the remake, the girl is "respectfully" named "Samantha Raimi") to find out what happened to him.