09-16-2009, 02:39 AM
[COLOR="Cyan"]Find a joke you really like? Post it here!
Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.
Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon says, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon's way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.
The doctor asks Dan, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
Dan says, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?"
"I'd be completely blind."
"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asks the doctor.
"Well," replies Dan, "my hat would fall over my eyes."
I don't have any sympathy for people who suffer from low self-esteem. You don't need to love yourself. You just need to hate a lot of other people, then grade yourself on the curve. Hey, I might suck, but I don't suck as bad as Hitler.
I was very sad and depressed, and then I thought, 'Hold on, man -- I'm not a loser! I've tried; I am a failure.'
I should have known that my shrink was a little crazy because, in the first session, he says to me, 'Chuck, you shouldn't live in the past because you could die from small pox.'
My court appointed psychiatrist told me I need to learn to love myself, and I'm like, 'Doc, I'm up to three times a day as it is.'
[/COLOR]
Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.
Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon says, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon's way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.
The doctor asks Dan, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
Dan says, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?"
"I'd be completely blind."
"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asks the doctor.
"Well," replies Dan, "my hat would fall over my eyes."
I don't have any sympathy for people who suffer from low self-esteem. You don't need to love yourself. You just need to hate a lot of other people, then grade yourself on the curve. Hey, I might suck, but I don't suck as bad as Hitler.
I was very sad and depressed, and then I thought, 'Hold on, man -- I'm not a loser! I've tried; I am a failure.'
I should have known that my shrink was a little crazy because, in the first session, he says to me, 'Chuck, you shouldn't live in the past because you could die from small pox.'
My court appointed psychiatrist told me I need to learn to love myself, and I'm like, 'Doc, I'm up to three times a day as it is.'
[/COLOR]
![[-]](http://talkhorror.com/boards/themes/dim/collapse.png)
