Marklar Wrote:![[Image: funny-pictures-gif-bunny.gif]](http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx135/rathanylakan/Misc/funny-pictures-gif-bunny.gif)
Now I know what I want for x-mas a new letter opener
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in New York City. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. It reads as follows:
NOTICE
...
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as you shopper ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Well, so as to remain PC, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The notice reads exactly the same as at the Husband Store.
NOTICE
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as you shopper ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
On the 1st Floor, the sign reads: wives that love sex.
On the 2nd Floor wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th floors have never been visited.
Copied from another site I belong to
Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,
in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give,
and to see just who in this home did live,
no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree
No stockings by the mantle, just boots filled with sand,
and on the wall, pictures of faraway lands.
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,
a sobering thought came to my mind.
For this house was different, so dark and dreary,
the home of a soldier now I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.
the face was so gentle, the room in such disorder.
not how I pictured a United States Soldier.
Was this the hero of whom i had just read?
curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed.
I realized the families that I saw this night,
owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,
because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder, how many lay alone,
on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.
The soldier awakened, and i heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more
my life is my God, my Country, my Corps."
The soldier rolled over and soon drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, and started to weep.
I keep watch for hours, and so silent and still,
and we both shivered, from the cold evenings chill.
I didn't want to leave, on that cold, dark, night,
this guardian of honor so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure,
whispered, "Carry on Santa, it's Christmas day, all is secure.
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right
"Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a goodnight.
By: Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt
[SIZE="3"]SEND MORE PARAMEDICS[/SIZE]
[SIZE="4"]HAPPY NEW YEARS[/SIZE]
:alcohol::alcohol::alcohol::alcohol:[SIZE="6"][COLOR="Indigo"]
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
[/COLOR][/SIZE]:alcohol::alcohol::alcohol::alcohol:
[COLOR="MediumTurquoise"]Ooooh... I cant wait!
[/COLOR]
Easter eggs are in the shops
During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember
these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store
ready for the rain to wash away the snow...
Set fire to the rain..great song!
![[Image: tumblr_lijabfDVdV1qa2o2i.gif]](http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh207/GargoyleDragon/Random/tumblr_lijabfDVdV1qa2o2i.gif)
![[Image: zombie_xmas_2010.jpg]](http://i977.photobucket.com/albums/ae251/gpankow/zombie_xmas_2010.jpg)
![[Image: images-7.jpg]](http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj202/stellar410/Christmas/images-7.jpg)
![[Image: Sandeman-Port-Tawny-20yr-Label-Wine.jpg]](http://i921.photobucket.com/albums/ad60/WineHarvest/Cartooga%20Pictures/Wine%20Labels/Sandeman-Port-Tawny-20yr-Label-Wine.jpg)
NICE..Hic:alcohol:![[Image: Funny_Pictures_2671.jpg]](http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv224/YourEmoNerd/Random%20Pictures/Funny_Pictures_2671.jpg)